revision/reflection 1

Short story: Follow the dream

There was an ordinary girl who lived in a big country in Europe. She didn’t like to study and do critical thinking, she didn’t have any friends in the school, she couldn’t play any sport except running, and the only thing she could do was a scrambled egg for breakfast because she was just a normal girl, she couldn’t be perfect and of course everyone has their own flaws. The only thing she was good at is art: drawing, painting, and playing an instrument. However, her controlling parents never understood her, they kept giving her and brother a lot of pressure. They always wanted Poppy and her brother to do multiple things and to be good at everything. This kind of parents is not the parents that they want. Everyday in the school and home she had to follow orders and do things that she didn’t want to such as reading math for 1 hour and practice science problems for half an hour, so she hated these places so much. However, there was a place that she liked to go everyday after school. That place was very tranquil and beautiful, she could spend her own time to do things she liked and that was the only time that she had for herself.  

Poppy was a German girl, she was seventeen years old, and she had one older brother who was right now studying in college. She was a junior in high school, she barely had friends even though she had been here for three years already. She wanted to join orchestra and art club after school, but her mom told her to go back home and study everyday, so she couldn’t understand her mom and started to hate her. Her favorite hobbies were make-up, drawing, painting, and singing, but she could never do those things. All she could do was study. The fact was how hard her parents pushed her, she still didn’t do well and failed the classes because she was not good at studying and she didn’t like it. She just liked art and she wanted to do art. She had a hard time understanding all the subjects especially math and science. Her classmates called her ‘nerd’ because she just studied all day and everyday and she still got bad grades. Therefore, nobody wanted to be in the same group with her when they had projects.

One day, she felt really depressed and down, she felt like no one understood her, so she skipped school and stayed in the place she liked for the whole day. That place was a small mountain that was close to her house, behind that mountain there was a beautiful lake, where she liked to sit and draw her art stuffs. However, that day she was not alone, there was a girl named Shaky, she is as tall and skinny as Poppy and her characteristic was similar to Poppy. Shaky liked to be alone and she didn’t like anyone to force her. She also liked music and art same as Poppy. After they talked for an hour, shaky said, “I really feel like we know each other so well, even though we just know each other for a short period of time, but I really get into you” She also said, “We have so many similar things we like and thoughts” so they got along very well. Everyday, after school Poppy and shaky always met on the mountain and hung out together before they went back home.

Unfortunately, two weeks later, Poppy’s mom knew that Poppy skipped school. Her teacher who was a good friend with her mom told her mom about Poppy behaviors in the school and how she skipped the school. Her parents got very angry and scolded to her in the public. They also forced her to go back home right away after school and didn’t allow her to go anywhere. At night they took her phone and forced her to read books until eleven o’clock. They forced her to practice math questions in order to be better in math. She couldn’t do anything except listen to them which she hated it so much; she called her brother and talked about this every night. She couldn’t do things she loved. Poppy complained about this with Shaky and she said, “I can’t handle it anymore, I wanna get out of this hell” then Shaky said, “Me neither, my parents keep forcing me to do things I don’t want to, let’s escape from here and go to another country together, I am tired of here too” so they made a secret plan and sneaked out from their home at night a week later.

They took a train to France and used their budgets that they kept for a long time to travel and lived their lives there. They also used their times playing music in the park to earn money. They also did painting on the street to earn money. Poppy loved this quality time so much because she could do things she liked. They traveled around France, they went to many places such as museums and concerts. They were able to take care of themselves and they had responsibility to not make trouble.  

On the other hand, over here, her parents were really frightened because her daughter escaped from home and they didn’t know where she went. It had been 4 days already that she wasn’t home. They called the police, but the police couldn’t help anything. They asked neighbors around but they got no clue. They went to her school and asked Poppy’s friends where she went, but no one knew where she was. Her mom came back home and sat quietly in the living room, she felt so bad and regretted that she was such a bad mom. She felt regret that she didn’t know what her daughter liked, but always forced her to do what she thought is good. Now she realized that she shouldn’t do like this and hoped that Poppy would come back home, she would fix all the mistakes that she had made to her daughter. The only thing that she could do was wait.

After they spent time in France for a week, they felt tired and miss home. After that they decided to go home. Because they knew that their parents must be angry and worry about them and it was impossible for them to stay there forever. Poppy was so afraid that her parents would detest her because she ran away from home. She knew that she made a big mistake, but she couldn’t handle her unreasonable parents anymore. Therefore, she decided that this time when she went back home, she would talk to her parents face to face and if they didn’t understand, she would just do things that she liked and follow her dreams.

Surprisingly, when she came back home, everyone was all together even her relatives. The first moment that she saw her parents, her parents came immediately and hugged her with anxiety. They thought that they going to lose her forever. They asked her, “Where have you been, we were so worried about you, don’t do like this again please, we know our faults now” they hugged her tighter. She felt so warm from their hug, then she told her parents, “Sorry mom and dad, I’m too crazy. I feel like you guys don’t understand me and don’t let me do what I want” then she cried so hard on their shoulders. Her parents felt so bad too, they knew they were wrong, so they comforted her, “we understand you now, we are sorry that we always force you to do things. From now on you can do whatever you want and we will support you and stay beside you” her mom said.

Later on, they let her join art club and orchestra in the school. They also asked her if she wanted to have singing class with her friend Shaky or not; they became the parents that Poppy always want. Every time from now, they always asked her opinion first and let her made decisions. Poppy became happier and she had more friends in art club and orchestra. Her classmates started to be opened-mind and nice to her. She lived happily with her parents.


reflection :

I choose to revise this assignment because I am not good at making a short story at all. I don’t know where should I begin and how can I organize the characters and the plot of the story. Therefore, I want to improve my writing on this and I also want to be more creative. This story is important to me because I spent a lot of time creating this story, I sat down and stared at my computer for an hour. I think that I put so much effort on this essay and only thing I did well is my grammar because I went to find a teacher to revise my essay and she gave me a good feedback. My weakness on this essay is creativity, I am lack of my creativity; I couldn’t imagine the character personalities in a short period of time. I also had to do some research to find some setting and time. I learned that writing is not just typing words, but you have to put your effort and feeling on it. To be a good writer is hard because it is not about quantity you make, but it is about quality you make. You have to make the readers enjoy and feel the same way you feel.


One thought on “revision/reflection 1

  1. The best thing you done on this essay is grammar as you said. And you also mention that you are not good at creating story. However I read your plot and I think it is interesting. The only thing I think you need improve is the ending. It is just a little bit strange for me. “สู้ สู้”


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